So, moving to Oregon did a little good, I guess. Opened my eyes a little, you may say. I feel like my heart wants two things and my mind has to decide which one. I don’t want to dissapoint anyone but I think I have been trying to please everyone for way to long. I’m scared that part of me wanting a new path maybe just me rebelling against what everyone thinks I will do and become. I want to choose the path that will make me happiest. I don’t want to be like my mother or my step dad and hate how I’m living. I don’t want to go to school to do something I don’t love. I am so scared that I will give into what my grandmother and mother tell me.
“What are you going to learn in an art school? What will your job be? How will you make money? And Botany? Who uses Botany? What you need to do is go to school and become a teacher. It’s the safe way out.”
It’s the safe way out’s … I don’t want the safe way. I know they are looking out for me, but I don’t care about money as much as I care about being happy. I understand that I will need money, I’m not an idiot. I just want the life that I know will make me happy. I am happy studying flowers and doing art. I may be horrible at both, but it makes me happy.
Gah. So many decisions.
